It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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