Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
