Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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