I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
