How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
