fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
