When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
