My pussy is not your playground.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
