doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
