I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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