I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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