I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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