I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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