You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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