she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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