it was like his penis was on wheels.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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