after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
