I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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