Who did Billy Mays play for?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
