So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
