Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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