Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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