Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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