you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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