ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
