I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
