i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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