Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
