I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
