just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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