At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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