They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
