i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
