just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
