Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
