Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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