don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
