Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
