Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
