Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
