It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
