I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
