Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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