New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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