butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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