just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
