No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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