you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
