This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
