Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
