Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
