Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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