I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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