i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
