Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
