You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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