I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
