i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize