My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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