My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
