How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
