I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
