Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
