Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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