This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
