I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
